Depression is a hard thing. Hard as in, hard to understand. It’s complicated to even communicate some days. Sometimes, you don’t even realize it’s effecting you.
Today, I found it almost nearly impossible to stay awake. Today i found myself capable of walking my dog, and yes, I managed to shower. I still need to shave and I managed to eat a bowl of buttered pasta around 4 p.m. I also made it out to the market and back after I’d managed to sleep another four hours. Only to make dinner at 11:30 p.m. Today, I noticed my hair has felt healthier from the oil i put in it. It’s funny how, piercing my lip basically signifies never speaking to my dad again. It’s 2 a.m. and I just came to bed after a good movie. It’s 2 a.m. and I am crying because i won’t see my dad’s family before they pass. It’s 2 a.m, almost an entire month later, and I’m still not able to find validation in myself because of the way things played out. Today, I felt completely drained and I said some terrible things.
Depression, is not easy. It’s not something anyone could control or see coming. It happens, and it’s different with everyone. Today, I’ve slept nearly eighteen hours. Today, I had some “achievements” and today, I was also defeated. Each sunrise is a new hike in the valley.