Category Archives: long distance

Follow your soul 👣

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Deep breath. Focus. I’ve never had such a difficult time putting how i feel into words, at least written words. With him though, it’s not easy by any means. I don’t how to explain exactly how i feel. I know that i go from excited, to anxious,  happy, & back to being scared. I’m hoping that this all works out. I’m hoping that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m hoping he doesn’t give up on himself, or get scared of a commitment to me later. I want so badly to be everything he needs, but I’m scared shitless of that idea to. It just seems too good to be true and I’m so scared that all I’ll think about is when I’m going to lose him. I haven’t had this thought up until now, but what if i really can’t look past how easy this all is. What if he’s mine and i can’t get past being terrified of how long it’ll be before i lose him? It’s almost stressful to think about. I wish he was home already. I find myself missing him more and more the closer it get to seeing him. It seems like we’re meeting for the first time almost. Thinking about it gives me butterflies almost, just because of my nerves. I assume it’s due to the fact that their have been so many feelings and emotions voiced. Before we were just friends who flirted and now it’s like we’re practically together. I’m ready for long nights down back roads, tangled up in that truck again. I’m ready to hear his voice sooth me, & to feel his hands in my hair. I need to kiss him so badly it almost hurts. I’m ready to make more of the happiest memories of my life. I miss feeling my soul shine in my eyes & looking over to see him starring at me. I missed how we engulfed each other and built a volcano out of match.
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An open letter to my person.

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So never did i expect to be here at this point with you. Over the last 4 year there have been nothing but memories full of smiles with you. Watching as you broke everyother girls heart and as you started your career. Before last summer when you came home one of our friends mentioned you thought we were closer than i thought you did. Of course we flirted here and there, but that last night you were home before deployment sparked something i never saw until now.
You mean so much to me and knowing that you’re feelings for me have become more than a crush makes me happy. I’m glad i can be someone special to you. The energy between us is so intense it’s beautiful to me. No one told me that such a feeling could exsist. I’ve never felt so at peace with someone. You’re so good at just being everything i need, and to know that i have given you something to fight for makes we wanna cry. I miss you so much all the time. I’m trying to keep my guard up because I’m nervous i won’t be what you need like you think. I’m staying positive though because i want this. I wanna be with the one person who warms my soul and makes me smile uncontrollably. The persom who makes everything seem easier and allows me to breathe and endure life without fear.
I know in the long run i may not get to keep you as mine, but whatever the case you’ll always be my go to. You’re the best advice when I’m over thinking,
& my favorite smile when i can’t find my own. So thank you for not just being my person, but my best friends as well. I can’t wait to see where our future takes us. The next two months will be some of our best. I know the goodbyes will be hard but the memories we’ll make will be worth it. Just remember I’ll see you soon!

Blonde update!

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So his mom asked a questions and it was kinda of hard but i understand she’s just looking out for me. She’s worried he’ll play me like other girls, but she doesn’t know all the details. I know there’s things he doesn’t want me to say and i plan to keep my word. I trust him because he says i make him feel like he has life in him again. Today he got some bad news and might have to come home early. I feel so bad for him because he was considering staying another 5yrs. However, he still has a good future ahead of him and i hope i can actually be part of it when he comes home. He’s such a good man and i adore him. I’m ready for all the good and the bad. ♡

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Note to self 11; (everything happens in time)

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So today i got a text from him. We were having a casual conversation which was rather odd for us lately, given the circumstances. Then he asked. Apparently his white buffalo didn’t really know what she wanted. (How could you not want him though?) So maybe i will make the trip to Arizona. I’m a little hesitant because i want him to know I’m not just going to be the back up plan. However,  he’s coming home in october for a week and he says he wants to surprise me, but i dunno if that’ll actually happen. I do know that i can once again smile because of him. He even said he’s been thinking about those to weeks. I told him about the flash backs and the cold chills i get from the memories. I’ve missed his touch so badly, but i know now that things truly do fall in place for the better one you give it time. the last week has shown me that countless times. I just need to let my should guide me.

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Note to self 10; (white buffalo)

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For those of you who haven’t heard the term white buffalo it’s basically “the one that got away whether they left a relationship with you or they just had to go somewhere else”. I was introduced to this term yesterday when my best friend accidentally broke my heart. See there’s this girl he met back in Florida two years ago. Well she left before they got close and now she’s around him in Arizona. He hasn’t been talking to her. They just kinda bumped into each other.  So here i am, Trying to get my life together and the one thing i was counting on is gone now to. He was my smile when things got rough here. He was my comfort. Quite honestly he still is. I still adore him and I’m not mad. Just hurt. I told him he should take her to the ball and that it was probably best not to come out there. I don’t wanna mess anything up. Not to mention i know I’d end up crying and embarrassing myself. So i guess all that’s left for me to do is move somewhere and keep going. Only time can tell. Maybe they’re meant to be or maybe he’ll decide she’s not the one he wants. Who knows? I know she’s beautiful. I know she doesn’t know hime the way i do, and i hope he chooses the one who makes him happy.

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