“You know you’re my girl right?”
It happened. It really happened. He’s mine….I’m his. There’s actually an us. I can’t even think straight. I’m just smiling like a goof. I didn’t know anyone could be this happy at 3 in the morning. I actually dating my best friend. The one guys who knows me more than anyone. Ughhh. ♡♡♡♡
Deep breath. Focus. I’ve never had such a difficult time putting how i feel into words, at least written words. With him though, it’s not easy by any means. I don’t how to explain exactly how i feel. I know that i go from excited, to anxious, happy, & back to being scared. I’m hoping that this all works out. I’m hoping that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m hoping he doesn’t give up on himself, or get scared of a commitment to me later. I want so badly to be everything he needs, but I’m scared shitless of that idea to. It just seems too good to be true and I’m so scared that all I’ll think about is when I’m going to lose him. I haven’t had this thought up until now, but what if i really can’t look past how easy this all is. What if he’s mine and i can’t get past being terrified of how long it’ll be before i lose him? It’s almost stressful to think about. I wish he was home already. I find myself missing him more and more the closer it get to seeing him. It seems like we’re meeting for the first time almost. Thinking about it gives me butterflies almost, just because of my nerves. I assume it’s due to the fact that their have been so many feelings and emotions voiced. Before we were just friends who flirted and now it’s like we’re practically together. I’m ready for long nights down back roads, tangled up in that truck again. I’m ready to hear his voice sooth me, & to feel his hands in my hair. I need to kiss him so badly it almost hurts. I’m ready to make more of the happiest memories of my life. I miss feeling my soul shine in my eyes & looking over to see him starring at me. I missed how we engulfed each other and built a volcano out of match.
Worry no more my darling. That’s all i can tell myself. May 2017 my best friend comes home. No questions about it. He’s got a lot of regrets and hurt going on in his mind and chest. But, I’m doing my best to ease it. I can’t help but wonder if this is all truly meant to be. I mean he was considering another 5 yrs and once i find ou,t not even 3 weeks later, he is told he’ll be medically discharged the end of this contract. I’m happy because he’ll finally be home. However i know it’s hard for him not having the option to go back to all he’s known the last 3 1/2 yrs. I’m scared this is all too good to be true, but i wanna believe in him so badly. Just gotta follow my soul.